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differences Tag

14 Sep

Posted at 19:19h in Blog, communication, dating, Family, marriage, relationships, sex, therapy, warning signs/red flags by
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I don't know if you've looked out your window lately - but we're in something of a tight spot. A few simultaneous, overlapping, cataclysmic tight spots, actually. COVID-19, an increasingly bitter election cycle, nationwide protests, the west coast is on fire...

31 Oct

Posted at 14:10h in Blog, communication, Love and Humor, warning signs/red flags by
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The following is from the book "Fire Up Your Communication Skills" (ISBN 09657620-6- 8) by Fire "Captain Bob" Smith. He is a recognized expert and speaker/author on stress, communication and relationship skills. He is a humorist, coach, entrepreneur and frequent talk show guest. He also produces customized presentations for career and personal growth. To book him as a speaker, ask him any questions, or get a copy of his book and tapes call (888) 238-3959. e-mail: captbob@verio.com. WebPage: http://www.eatstress.com.  

Transition to the Five-to-One Ratio

There is exciting relationship research coming from the Family Formation Project at the University of Washington in Seattle. John Gottman, Ph.D., an award winning psychologist and author of The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, has conducted a twenty-six-year study on what makes love last. Dr. Gottman claims that there is no evidence that the theory of conventional counseling works. With up to 67% of marriages failing, and 50% of those couples who enter counseling still ending in divorce, one would expect the odds to be better if today’s conventional counseling really was effective.

17 Aug

Posted at 15:58h in Blog, Fun & Play, Love and Humor, relationships, sex, Uncategorized by
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The following review has been written from the perspective of a sex therapist, Dr. Barbara Bartlik, MD (http://drbarbaramd.com/) and Gary Krane, PhD, co-founder of couplewise.com. The recently released movie, “Hope Springs,” depicts couples’ counseling and in a sensitive and realistic manner, providing viewers with a glimpse...

31 Jul

Posted at 11:14h in Blog, communication, Family, making and keeping agreements, therapy by
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Intro by Gary Krane

The following brilliant essay is by Dr. Dan Wile, a therapist  whom the eminent Dr. John Gottman calls, "a genius and the greatest living marital therapist [in America]." The essay is a highly sophisticated analysis of what Gottman calls "Bids," or what we at couplewise.com know as actions that meet our need and our partner’s need for “connection and concern.”  This is one of the 8 needs most predictive of long lasting committed relationships and part of couplewise's "Clarify Your Needs" process. If the need is not met, the feeling is likely to be one of loneliness.  If readers identify with the loneliness or lack of connection discussed in this essay, we suggest using couplewise.com's new Make Agreements tool.   Start by agreeing to talk to your mate about the lack of "bids" in your relationship; it could be a great first step to restoring connection and intimacy.  Then to agree to begin making bids a regular part of your life together. For an excellent complement to this article, we also recommend you read last week's blog, “What Shamu Taught Me About a Happy Marriage.”
—Gary Krane PhD, CEO/Co-Founder, couplewise.com

Bids for Emotional Connection in Couples Therapy

Courtesy of Dan Wile, PhD, DanWile.com

John Gottman’s concept, “bids for emotional connection,” is practically a complete theory of relationships in itself. Hearing the word “bids,” we picture partners reaching out to each other in a variety of ways. Gary Chapman, in his book, The Five Love Languages, lists five such ways: words of affirmation (“That situation was delicate and you really handled it beautifully”), touch (“How about a hug?”), quality time (“Let’s get a babysitter and make a reservation at Chez Alouette”), gifts (“This scarf was so gorgeous, it had your name on it”), and acts of service (“Why don’t you take a nap while I do the cleaning up?”). Partners make bids to create, increase, maintain, and re-establish connection. Arriving home at the end of a day, we ask: “How was work today?” Noticing that our partner is preoccupied, we say, “What are you thinking?” Sensing something amiss, we send out a probe: “Are you upset with me about something?”